Tilted Kilt Blows Our Skirts Up (In a Good Way)

We had a Halloween party on Saturday night, which makes it somewhat difficult to handle these 10 A.M. Bears games the following Sunday. The only thing that gets me out of bed (usually) is the thought of the nachos and the Bears. Well, to be honest, first coffee then the nachos, then the Bears. Hmm, now that I think about it, it’s the crying baby, coffee, then the nachos, and if there’s time, the Bears.

The NB team managed to pull ourselves together on Sunday morning and stumble to the Tilted Kilt on Warner and Rural Road in Tempe on Sunday. Why the Kilt? Our friends from Milwaukee told us that they missed ‘real, good bar food’ from Wisconsin and had only discovered one bar in Phoenix area with decent grub-- the Kilt! Looked like we were having the luck of the Celtic, TK was showing the Bears game at 10!

Before we go any further, you should be warned that the TK has waitresses, oh, I mean “cast members” (according to the web site), dressed in “visually appealing” “fun” and “sassy costumes”. Now, I like sass as much as the next guy (read: more than the next guy) , but if you are a nachobearette and easily offended, you have been warned. Good or bad? I’m not the judge of that, I’ll let you decide. I will say that the NB team members in attendance were both male and female, and no one felt anything but comfortable.

However, I DID have some reservations. It has been my theory that the quantity of clothing the waitresses wear is correlated with the quality of the food; that is, the less clothing worn, the worse the food will be. After all, guys will show up for the show, not the burgers (see figure 1). What incentive would a bar have to keep quality up when the customers would come anyway? We would soon find out…

Da Bears Lose 10/28 VS. DETROIT L 7-16

I'll get this out of the way: we just don’t know what to say about the Bears game this past weekend. (sigh) With Urlacher’s back problem and Griese’s quarterbacking problems, I hate to even think it, but it’s true: we are doomed. Our playoff dreams are pretty much gone. The nacho dreams are, on the other hand, just beginning. With this in mind, we walked in and were greeted by “sassily” dressed women. TV’s everywhere. And the sounds of Peyton Manning and the Colts on the big screen. Egad! No bears on the big screen? Ok, in hindsight, showing that disastrous game on the big screen would have been even uglier. So kudos to TK for shoving us into the corner. Still, we had great seats at the bar and 1st class service from our bartender-ess. Cold beer arrived and then came some of our NB supporters. Our biggest little fan was there decked out in his Bear gear. The nachos arrived soon after and everyone dug in. YUM! The chips were solid, the toppings plentiful and yes, they even included jalapenos. Our friends from Milwaukee were right! This place bucked the trend and actually DID have great nachos. TOPPINGS: 4.0 They included jalapenos and a host of other delicious things! See for yourself!
WAIT STAFF: 4.5 Actually were friendly and very fun, not to mention “visually appealing” and “sassy”.
BEERS: 4.0 Frosty mugs filled on time with delicious beer. Not quite as great as Four Peaks, but still pretty great!
PRICE: 3.5 Pricier than other places, but not by that much.
BEARS VIEWING: 4.0 We saw the Bears on a screen they deserved.
Overall: 4.0 A great place to go! Highly recommended!

O’kelly’s: O’ffensive

The Nachobears team headed to O’Kellys in Mesa this week, where we were determined to find a positive experience. This is because it has been brought to our attention from a few Nachobears readers that we are being “negative” and perhaps unfair. Negative!? I argue that we are rightfully critical of these venues only because “we care deeply about the chip” (trademark pending). Close your eyes and picture the perfect nacho, slightly covered with cheese, ground beef, sour cream, chives… alone at the top of the chip sits a jalapeno, hot, but not too hot. Crunchy, salty, delicious. It is the perfect nacho. It is the dream.

OK, you may open your eyes again.

We put forth this question: Is it too much to ask for prompt service and good nachos? I’m not even talking about ‘the perfect nacho!’ described above. Only a good one! A two-and-a-half-star nacho! We keep getting one-and-a-half-star nachos. We get the “Big Momma’s House II” equivalent of the nacho world. We get “Red Roof Inn” quality nachos. We get the nacho equivalent of the Ford Focus. IF the FDA had a nacho regulatory arm, they would stamp them “Grade D”. In a world where the quality of the nacho is forever being degraded, perhaps even forgotten, we stand as lone crusaders, fighting for the nacho rights of those who cannot fight for themselves.

Ok, so we digress a bit. Now where were we? Oh yes, we found O’Kellys on the web, they proclaimed themselves a bona-fide Bears bar. We called to make sure, yes, we do have the Bears on and yes, we have nachos!

We arrived to find O’Kellys to be a small, unassuming bar somewhat hidden in a nearby strip mall. We, however, thought it might be a good thing, an undiscovered gem, a proverbial jalapeno hidden in the cheese sauce.

We walked into the dark room and found the Bears game right away--on the big screen, not high def but still ok. It’s the kind of low-def TV where you have to squint to read the scores, downs, etc because the font is too small and the words and numbers run together. The whole place had a early ‘90s vibe to it. We sat at a table in front, next to a lone guy in his mid 50’s staring at another TV, watching cars drive around in a circle. To our astonishment, a good-natured waitress appeared almost immediately! We placed our order for beer and nachos. The beer came in frosty mugs and soon the nachos followed. We told the waitress we don’t use the phrase “off the hook” very often, but indeed her service was revealing itself to be ‘off the hook’.

The nachos had all the fix’ns, inclusive of jalapenos! Woohoo. This bar was turning out to be pretty good, we clinked our glasses together for a quick “cheers”.

…Whoops, spoken too soon. NASCAR. Yes, the guy we sat next to turned out to be a little ‘more drunker’ than we thought. He insisted that we change the big screen TV to watch the last 50 laps of his race right in the middle of the 2nd quarter of the Bears. The race was playing on another TV but the man couldn’t grasp how he could possibly watch it on a smaller TV. So, he proceeded to make obscene comments to members of the Nachobears team, often and loudly, then moved on to complain to management, ranting over and over about how no one would let him watch the last 50 laps and oh yeah, how he is a big “cash cow” for the bar. We had to leave at half-time (by our own choice). We could not take it anymore and our nachos had quickly gotten soggy. As we were leaving, our waitress told us that this was a Green Bay bar, the ‘old owner’ was the Bears fan and the web site is out of date. Schnoiks!

So, recapping: The nachos started off great, but the cheese-colored topping sauce soon soaked in to the nachos, we watched in horror as our crunchy chips turned into a soggy mess, nachos no more.

To show we do have good things to say: The staff was very friendly and FAST! The beer was delicious, in frosty mugs! We had the front row! The urinal cakes in the bathroom were new!

Since we had a hard time concentrating on the game with our belligerent neighbor, we decided to go back to Zipps for the remaining half. At least there we knew we would be with football fans. I knew the Bears could pull this game off and what an exciting nail-biting win!. That is one of the most fantastic finishes we’ve seen in a long time! Great Game!

GO BEARS!!!
(no official nb rating, we did not stay the entire time)

Until next week, keep reaching for the chips, but keep your eye on the cheese.

Zipps Not That Zippy

By Nachobears Member C-P


The Nachobears team ventured to Zipps in Chandler this weekend. Big fat bummer on the loss. Vikings rank right up there with Green Bay as sucky teams to beat the Bears. I hate it when the Bears lose to them. All in all it was a good game and of course my guy Hester didn’t disappoint. Hester tied Gale Sayers record on Sunday following his eighth career return TD. (we all knew that was coming). Usually we complain about the offense but this week I get to pick on Urlacher and bunch. Bears defense needs to STEP IT UP! To quote Homer Simpson: “They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.” Ok, maybe we're a little too harsh. Its just that we care about the Bears so much.

Before you go to Zipps, you should be aware of the RULES. And Zipps has A LOT of rules.
1. NO sitting at a good table unless you are a party of 3 or more.
2. NO ordering nachos before 11am
3. NO changing the tv stations so you can see the game you want.
4. NO ordering beer in a timely fashion.

Ok, number 4 really isn’t a “rule” per say but it irks me none-the-less.

Check out the game menu. Notice anything missing? A Conspicuous Lack of Nachos!! No chips till 11AM.-(see Rule #2.)

Anyway, the Nachobears team grew by 5 people this week. We had to move to 3 different times to 3 different tables to accommodate everyone. Even tho when we first arrived at Zipps, we informed them that we would have a large group. But because of rule #1 we were not seated at a big enough table to start with. So on to musical tables. Not every seat in the house at Zipps has good viewing. Some tables are right under the tv and others are obstructed by big pillars.

Our View From Table 1

We started out with 2 people and had to sit directly under the big screen tv. When a 3rd member showed up we were able to move to one of the bigboy tables BUT our view was blocked by a pillar. Soon the other 4 people arrived and we were then allowed to move to the large table on the floor with excellent views of the game.

We missed about 15 minutes of gametime whilst table-jockeying.

It makes it very difficult to want to go to Zipps when you have a snotty waitress telling you NO every time you ask for something. The waitresses, along with being taskmasters, were very hard to find. Empty Beer +No Waitress.=Unhappy Nachobear fan. We all know the best nachos in the world may as well be roof shingles without the suds.

On to the sad, little nachos served at Zipps. OK, they aren’t all bad. Recipe: 1. Pile some chips, 2. scoop some toppings on it, 3. brown in oven for 30 seconds. See for yourself:

We managed to pull a few good ones out of the pile. In fact, the guacamole was quite good and the salsa added a little zip (heh heh); but the ground beef was scarce and the flimsy chips couldn’t hold the toppings. We needed forks to eat these…um, not my idea of a good nacho expierence. When you add forks as a requirement, you are closer to tortilla soup than you are to crunchy nachos. Oh yeah, and No jalapenos! Again. What is with the no jalapenos thing?! This is Arizona, right? We might have to start bringing our own.

Nachos -2.0 –chips too flimsy and no jalapenos.
Waitstaff -1.5-she was never around.
Beers 3.0-when full, they did the job.
Price-2.5, however, excellent since someone else paid!

Overall-2.5


Where, oh where, will the Nachobears team find good nachos and good watchin'? Will the Bears come back this season? Where are the jalapenos? These questions and more answered next week!!!

Four Peak’s Nachos Must Have Peaked Last Year

Bears take one from the Pack!! WOOHOO! What a game! Turnovers, underhanded passes, great plays, etc. This game had it all (except for a Hester return, but we’re not that picky). Ya gotta love when the Bears bear down and beat Green Bay! To those who say we “took advantage” of a few turnovers, I say,

Isn’t that the point of the game???

Ok, off our high-horses now. On to one of our favorite places in Tempe: Four Peaks!

Let me set the stage a little: Four Peaks is the kind of bar --I mean "restaurant" that does things right. It is a microbrewery making “seasonal beers” with all the favorites, (but get the IPA), it takes great pride in food quality and is close to campus for lots of college energy. It is the kind of place that is full of patrons even on Tuesday afternoons -- the smell of hops permeates the place because the distilling tanks are in the same room. It is indoor/outdoor so you can people watch, enjoy great food, beer and BEARS! So go here. Yes, I’m talking to YOU. Even if you don’t like beer. You’ll like Four Peaks. Honest.

The last time I had the nachos at the Peaks, they were phenomenal. We sat down envisioning a similar nacho masterpiece, barely able to contain our excitement. The beers arrived quickly. However, when our plate of nachos arrived,

THE NACHOS WERE ONLY MARGINAL!!!!

Marginal? How could this be? The Peaks is known to dominate the nacho community (and there IS a nacho community, you would be surprised). Check out the picture:

• The condiment plate sat directly on the nachos, squashing about one third of them into uneatable pieces.
• She threw the nachos down and dashed away from the table, not giving us enough plates.
• Too much cheese, not enough nacho chips
• It was undercooked, the cheese was not melted
• If you were lucky enough to find a full chip, you could not pick it up without digging through the cheese layer.
• The jalapenos, tomatoes, olives and beans turned into soup after the first dip.
• Don’t put the dirty bottom of a plate directly on my food!
• The chips were not that good, mostly crushed and inedible.
  
  We waited for her to come back to voice our concerns, but she did not return. Finally, I had to call out to her as she whizzed by with a loud “excuse me!” She stopped and seemed a little upset—Great, now she’s kind of PO’ed at us. Could we have another plate? Also, these nachos need a few more minutes in the oven? She reluctantly took the plate back and rushed off.
  
  I swear I’m not being hyper-nacho-critical; I don’t have a nacho chip on my shoulder, this batch of nachos was marginal to poor. We dutifully chowed-down on the nachos, not eating most of them.
  
  I guess, to get a little nacho-sophical: Even when nachos are not that good, they are still pretty good…
  
  Think about it!

Chips 3.0: I’ve had better, plus they were squashed. A nacho chip should be a triangle, not a crumb!

Toppings: 3.0 They had all the right toppings, just not in the right amounts and in the right spots. Don’t use the topping plate to crush my nachos. Too much cheese. The bean bowl is not a good idea.

Wait Staff: 2.0 She disappeared for a LONG time. Where could she possibly have gone? To smoke? Is she a day trader? Does she cook the food herself? To text her BFF?

Beers: 5.0 This is the best beer in the world. There! I said it! I’d say it again!

Price: 4.0 $2.75 for a pint!



Bears Viewing 4.0 Good TVs, plenty of TV, you might say that there were TVs “galore!”

Overall: 3.5 (as much as I hate to do it!) I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, BEER SAVED THE DAY!

RT O'Sullivans gets our RT O'kay.

So there we were, sitting in front of a wide-screen High-Def TV eating the perfect nachos. Jalapeno, sour cream, a little ground beef—but no time to crunch on it now, New England Patriot Tony Eason stepped to the line for the first snap of the game, the young quarterback's eyes were as big as saucers looking at the Bear defense. This game was going to be a breeze for the Bears, on to Super Bowl Victory, and everyone in the place knew it!

Then my alarm went off and I woke up. It was almost time for the 10 a.m. kick-off, it was not 1985 and my hand gripped our dog’s ear, not a delicious crunchy nacho. No time for wishful thinking, on to try out our new establishment, RT O’Sullivans!

This popular Mesa sportsbar and hotspot was already packed as we drove into the parking lot. Great sign! We entered just post-kickoff and were crammed into a table with thirty-something odd fans to watch on a big-screen. We immediately ordered the nachos and were told that we would get no nacho until 11 AM. We’d have to take in our calories in the form of beer until then.

Then the room watched with silent horror as the Lions trounced the Bears 37 to 27. (boo.)

We agreed it was a good game despite the loss. Lot of nail biting turn-overs. The best part of the game was watching Hester “the Molester” return the kick for a touchdown! It was a rare occasion where the silence was broken and everyone was on their feet high-fiving strangers and shouting “Go! Go!”

Looking around the room, we realized how packed in we were. We were seated in the middle of a long table bumping elbows with other fans. We felt like we were blocking the other fan’s view of the game. There was nowhere else to sit, though.

11 finally rolled around and mercifully we received our nachos, which turned out to be pretty good! The toppings were the best we’ve tested so far. They included cheese (the kind that comes from some soft of dairy product, not a lab), refried beans, onions, tomatoes and finally jalapenos!! The chips fell short though. They were very thin and didn’t hold the toppings very well. We did end up finishing the whole plate of nachos which I think bodes well.

If you like to be with Bears fans, RTOs is worth the price. You REALLY have to like being close to other Bears fans, though.

Chips: 2.0 Too thin to support the toppings.

Toppings: 4.0 FINALLY somewhere that thinks about what should go on a nacho, and how it will taste! Actual cheese, for example.

Wait Staff: 3.0 But only because they were too busy, almost literally running around. Understaffed! Our waitress was friendly. She just had no time.

Beer: 3.5 Just a tad flat, but in a frosty mug. Mmmm, beer.

Price: 2.5 When we got the bill, we were a little shocked. Come to think of it, I should start saving the reciepts, scanning them and posting them so you can judge for yourself. Although you will also get to see how many beers we drank... I'll think about it.

Bears Viewing: 3.0 Bears are meant to be watched while relaxing, I hate having to worry about the people behind me all the time, and the airline-style seating was terrible. Also, since it was so jammed, I was forced to either block the aisle or become too familiar with the guy sitting to my right. (I chose to block the aisle.)

Overall rating: 3.0 moderate to good.